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A Theology of Dating : The Partial Shadow of Marriage (¿¬¾Ö½ÅÇÐ - Çϳª´Ô ³ª¶ó¸¦ ²Þ²Ù´Â ¿¬ÀεéÀ» À§ÇÑ Áöħ ¿µ¹®ÆÇ)   A guideline for lovers who dream of the kingdom of God
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³»ºÎÀ̹ÌÁöÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Å©°Ô º¸½Ã·Á¸é ¾Æ·¡ ±×¸²À» Ŭ¸¯Çϼ¼¿ä. ['¾ÕÇ¥Áö' Æ÷ÇÔ ÃÑ 34 ÆäÀÌÁö]



¡ÚThe Bible is the best textbook on dating, and THIS is the best dating book!
¡ÚAn insight into love found in an old love letter!
¡ÚThe great & little mystery of dreaming of the kingdom of God

¡ÚÃÖ°íÀÇ ¿¬¾Ö ±³°ú¼­´Â ¼º°æ, ÃÖ°íÀÇ ¿¬¾Ö ±³Àç´Â ¹Ù·Î ÀÌ Ã¥!
¡Ú¿À·¡ Àü ·¯ºê·¹ÅÍ¿¡¼­ ¹ß°ßÇÑ »ç¶ûÀÇ ÅëÂû!
¡ÚÇϳª´Ô ³ª¶ó¸¦ ²Þ²Ù´Â Å« ºñ¹Ð £¦ ÀÛÀº ºñ¹Ð


The author has established A Theology of Dating with insights from his old and peculiar love letter. This book deals with how to start a relationship, the will and emotions of love, sexual desire and physical contact, and the attitude of parting, containing rich examples of ministry fields that he guides young people. Dating and marriage have continuity and discontinuity. Marriage is called a ¡°great mystery,¡± and dating is a ¡°little mystery.¡± He conveys the guidelines for dating and the principles of the life of faith at the same time.
In addition, the author emphasizes that the criteria for choosing a mate should be each other¡¯s mission. In particular, what sustains the marriage is the covenant itself rather than the love of a married couple, and lasting love must be supplied in Christ. He says the Love Chapter is the sum total of all love in the world and the supremacy of love that humans can recognize. Defining love as an operation of the will accompanied by emotion, he biblically deals with true love and dating, marriage and family, childbirth and nurture, etc.

ÀúÀÚ´Â ¿À·¡ Àü À¯º°³­ ¿¬¾ÖÆíÁö¿¡¼­ ¾òÀº ÀλçÀÌÆ®·Î ¡®¿¬¾Ö ½ÅÇС¯À» Á¤¸³Çß´Ù. ÀÌ Ã¥Àº ¿¬¾Ö¸¦ ½ÃÀÛÇÏ´Â ¹æ¹ý, »ç¶ûÀÇ ÀÇÁö¿Í °¨Á¤, ¼º¿å°ú ½ºÅ²½Ê, Çì¾îÁüÀÇ ÀÚ¼¼ µîÀ» ´Ù·ç¸ç, û³âµéÀ» ÁöµµÇÏ´Â »ç¿ª ÇöÀåÀÇ Ç³¼ºÇÑ »ç·ÊµéÀ» ´ã°í ÀÖ´Ù. ¿¬¾Ö¿Í °áÈ¥Àº ¿¬¼Ó¼º°ú ºÒ¿¬¼Ó¼ºÀ» Áö´Ï´Âµ¥, °áÈ¥À» ¡®Å« ºñ¹Ð¡¯, ¿¬¾Ö¸¦ ¡®ÀÛÀº ºñ¹Ð¡¯À̶ó°í ÀÏÄÃÀ¸¸ç, ¿¬¾Ö Áöħ°ú ½Å¾Ó»ýÈ°ÀÇ ¿ø¸®¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ ÀüÇÑ´Ù.
¶ÇÇÑ ÀúÀڴ ¦À» ¼±ÅÃÇÏ´Â ±âÁØÀÌ ¼­·ÎÀÇ »ç¸íÀ̾î¾ß ÇÑ´Ù°í °­Á¶ÇÑ´Ù. ƯÈ÷ °áÈ¥»ýÈ°À» ÁöÅÊÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº ºÎºÎÀÇ »ç¶ûº¸´Ù ¾ð¾à ÀÚüÀ̸ç, Áö¼ÓÀûÀÎ »ç¶ûÀº ±×¸®½ºµµ ¾È¿¡¼­ °ø±Þ¹Þ¾Æ¾ß ÇÑ´Ù°í ¸»ÇÑ´Ù. ¡®»ç¶û À塯ÀÇ Áø¼úÀº ¼¼»óÀÇ ¸ðµç »ç¶ûÀÇ ÃÑÈ­ÀÌÀÚ Àΰ£ÀÌ ÀνÄÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â »ç¶ûÀÇ Áö°í(supremacy)À̸ç, ¼­·Î »ç¶ûÇÑ´Ù¸é ±× °¡¸£Ä§´ë·Î Çϳª´Ô ³ª¶ó¸¦ ¹Ï°í ¹Ù¶ó¾ß ÇÑ´Ù°í ¿ª¼³ÇÑ´Ù. ¡®»ç¶ûÀº °¨Á¤À» ¼ö¹ÝÇÏ´Â ÀÇÁöÀÇ Àۿ롯À̶ó°í Á¤ÀÇÇϸ鼭, ÁøÁ¤ÇÑ »ç¶û°ú ¿¬¾Ö, °áÈ¥°ú °¡Á¤, Ãâ»ê°ú ¾çÀ° µîÀ» ¼º°æÀûÀ¸·Î ´Ù·é´Ù.
(p.28) The main focus of this book is a biblical-theological perspective. So I named my research a ¡°theology of dating¡± with the intention of making it unique. (ÀÌ Ã¥ÀÇ ÁÖµÈ °ü½ÉÀº ¼º°æ½ÅÇÐÀûÀÎ °üÁ¡ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. µ¶Æ¯¼ºÀ» »ì¸®·Á´Â Àǵµ·Î ÀúÀÇ ¿¬±¸¹°À» ¡®¿¬¾Ö ½ÅÇС¯À̶ó°í ¸í¸íÇß½À´Ï´Ù.)

(p.29-30) So, what does the expression ¡°theology of dating¡± mean? . . . Theology can be translated into two meanings: ¡°God says to us¡± or ¡°We say about God.¡± Therefore, a theology of dating means ¡°God says to us through dating¡± or ¡°We say about God through dating.¡± (±×·¸´Ù¸é ¡®¿¬¾Ö ½ÅÇС¯À̶ó´Â Ç¥ÇöÀÌ ¹«¾ùÀ» ÀǹÌÇÒ±î¿ä? ¡¦ [¿ø¾î»óÀ¸·Î] ¡®½ÅÇС¯À̶ó´Â ¸»Àº ¡®Çϳª´ÔÀÌ ¿ì¸®¿¡°Ô ¸»¾¸ÇϽô١¯ ¶Ç´Â ¡®¿ì¸®°¡ Çϳª´ÔÀ» ¸»ÇÏ´Ù¡¯´Â ¶æÀÔ´Ï´Ù. µû¶ó¼­ ¡®¿¬¾Ö ½ÅÇС¯À̶ó´Â ¸»Àº ¡®Çϳª´ÔÀÌ ¿¬¾Ö¸¦ ÅëÇØ ¿ì¸®¿¡°Ô ¸»¾¸ÇϽô١¯ ¶Ç´Â ¡®¿ì¸®°¡ ¿¬¾Ö¸¦ ÅëÇØ Çϳª´ÔÀ» ¸»ÇÏ´Ù¡¯¶ó´Â ÀǹÌÀÔ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.40) If Christ and the church are the ultimate substances, it means that the marriage relationship is a temporary shadow. To borrow John Piper¡¯s phrase, the former is the ¡°original¡± and the latter the ¡°copy.¡± (±×¸®½ºµµ¿Í ±³È¸°¡ ±Ã±ØÀûÀÎ ½Çü¶ó¸é, °áÈ¥ °ü°è´Â ÀϽÃÀûÀÎ ±×¸²ÀÚ¶ó´Â ¶æÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Á¸ ÆÄÀÌÆÛÀÇ Ç¥ÇöÀ» ºô¸®¸é, ÀüÀÚ´Â ¡®¿øº»¡¯ÀÌ°í ÈÄÀÚ´Â ¡®»çº»¡¯À̶ó°í ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.)

(p.52) The apostle¡¯s statement is the sum total of all love in the world and the supremacy of love that humans can recognize. It is life itself that makes the dead heart of a sinner beat. (»çµµÀÇ Áø¼úÀº ¼¼»óÀÇ ¸ðµç »ç¶ûÀÇ ÃÑÈ­ÀÌÀÚ Àΰ£ÀÌ ÀνÄÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â »ç¶ûÀÇ Áö°íÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ÁËÀÎÀÇ Á×Àº ½ÉÀåÀ» ¶Ù°Ô ÇÏ´Â »ý¸í ±× ÀÚüÀÔ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.60) In the past, while conducting couples counseling for a long time, I discovered an interesting fact. The time was concentrated between about six months and one year, in which they started to fight or broke up. . . . it almost coincided with the hormonal state that starts when we fall in love. (¿¹Àü¿¡ Ä¿Çà »ó´ãÀ» ÇÑÂü ÁøÇàÇϸ鼭 Èï¹Ì·Î¿î »ç½ÇÀ» ¹ß°ßÇß½À´Ï´Ù. û³âµéÀÌ ¿¬¾Ö¸¦ ½ÃÀÛÇؼ­ °ü°è°¡ Ʋ¾îÁö°Å³ª Çì¾îÁö´Â ½Ã±â°¡ ´ë·« 6°³¿ù¿¡¼­ 1³â »çÀÌ¿¡ ÁýÁߵǾî ÀÖ¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. ¡¦ »ç¶û¿¡ ºüÁú ¶§ ½ÃÀ۵Ǵ ȣ¸£¸ó ºÐºñ »óÅÂ¿Í °ÅÀÇ ÀÏÄ¡ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.)

(p.72) This paragraph is the word of an expert who studied 12 couples in love. She emphasizes that the absence of hormone secretion does not mean that love disappears because humans have a ¡°will.¡± (ÀÌ°ÍÀº »ç¶û¿¡ ºüÁø ¿­µÎ Ä¿ÇÃÀ» ¿¬±¸ÇÑ Àü¹®°¡ÀÇ ¸»ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Àΰ£¿¡°Ô´Â ¡®ÀÇÁö¡¯°¡ Àֱ⠶§¹®¿¡, È£¸£¸ó ºÐºñ°¡ ¾ø´Ù°í Çؼ­ »ç¶û±îÁö »ç¶óÁö´Â °ÍÀº ¾Æ´Ï¶ó°í °­Á¶ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.89) In summary, each other¡¯s mission is the criterion for building the will of love for marriage. Christian young adults should know that love alone is not the only way to marry. (¿ä¾àÇÏÀÚ¸é, °áÈ¥À» ÇâÇÑ »ç¶ûÀÇ ÀÇÁö¸¦ ¼¼¿ì´Â ±âÁØÀº ¼­·ÎÀÇ »ç¸íÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Å©¸®½ºÃµ û³âµéÀº »ç¶û Çϳª¸¸À¸·Î °áÈ¥ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÌ ¾Æ´ÔÀ» ¾Ë¾Æ¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.118) When the two together experience a state of intense ¡°spiritual¡± arousal, that¡¯s where the control to properly desire each other comes from. In addition, while naturally enjoying sexual attraction towards each other, strong reason is created that converges each other¡¯s love toward God. (µÑÀÌ ÇÔ²² °­·ÄÇÑ ¡®¿µÀû¡¯ °¢¼º »óŸ¦ °æÇèÇϸé, °Å±â¿¡¼­ ¼­·Î¸¦ ÀûÀýÈ÷ ¿å¸ÁÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÅëÁ¦·ÂÀÌ ³ª¿É´Ï´Ù. °Ô´Ù°¡ ¼­·Î¸¦ ÇâÇÑ ¼ºÀû À̲ø¸²À» ÀÚ¿¬½º·´°Ô ´©¸®¸é¼­ ¼­·ÎÀÇ »ç¶ûÀ» Çϳª´Ô²² ¼ö·Å½ÃÅ°´Â °­ÇÑ À̼ºÀÌ »ý±â°Ô µË´Ï´Ù.)

(p.126) The ¡°nakedness of whole being¡± on the spiritual dimension is also an expression that characterizes our relationship with God. Why? Because He knows even our deepest secrets and wants to conform all our desires to His glory. Our faith is willing to admit that we are naked before God. (¡®Àü Á¸ÀçÀÇ ¹ú°Å¹þÀ½¡¯Àº ¿µÀûÀÎ Â÷¿ø¿¡¼­ Çϳª´Ô°ú ¿ì¸®ÀÇ °ü°è¸¦ Ư¡Áþ´Â Ç¥ÇöÀ̱⵵ ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. ¿Ö³ÄÇÏ¸é ³ªÀÇ °¡Àå Àº¹ÐÇÑ ºÎºÐ±îÁö ¾Æ½Ã°í ³ªÀÇ ¸ðµç ¿å±¸¸¦ ±×ºÐÀÇ ¿µ±¤¿¡ ¸ÂÃ߱⸦ ´ç½Å²²¼­ ¿øÇϽñ⠶§¹®ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ¿ì¸®ÀÇ ½Å¾ÓÀº Çϳª´Ô ¾Õ¿¡¼­ ³ªÀÇ Á¸Àç ÀÚü°¡ ¹ú°Å¹þ°ÜÁ³À½À» ±â²¨ÀÌ ÀÎÁ¤ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.144) Again, if you love him/her properly, you must be patient according to the apostle¡¯s teaching. In loving God passionately, you must not be rude to him/her. (´Ù½Ã ¸»ÇÏÁö¸¸, ±×(³à)¸¦ »ç¶ûÇÑ´Ù¸é »çµµÀÇ °¡¸£Ä§´ë·Î ¿À·¡ ÂüÀ» ¼ö ÀÖ¾î¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. Çϳª´ÔÀ» ¿­Á¤ÀûÀ¸·Î »ç¶ûÇÏ´Â °¡¿îµ¥ ±×(³à)¿¡°Ô ¹«·ÊÈ÷ ÇàÇÏÁö ¾Ê¾Æ¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.151) I am convinced that when the fundamental desires of Christian lovers are thoroughly subordinated to God¡¯s sovereignty and His will, an actual conversion of Christian dating will occur. (Å©¸®½ºÃµ ¿¬ÀεéÀÇ ±Ù¿øÀûÀÎ ¿å±¸°¡ Çϳª´ÔÀÇ Áֱǰú ±×ºÐÀÇ ¶æ¿¡ öÀúÈ÷ Á¾¼ÓµÉ ¶§, ¿¬¾Ö°üÀÇ ±Ùº»ÀûÀΠȸ½ÉÀÌ ÀϾ °ÍÀ̶ó°í È®½ÅÇÕ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.168) We must put into practice His words, ¡°just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another¡± (John 13:34). Please abandon the thought that dating matters are an exception to this word. (¡°³»°¡ ³ÊÈñ¸¦ »ç¶ûÇÑ °Í °°ÀÌ ³ÊÈñµµ ¼­·Î »ç¶ûÇ϶ó¡±(¿ä 13:34)´Â ±×ºÐÀÇ ¸»¾¸À» Á¤¸»·Î ½ÇõÇØ¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. ¿¬¾Ö ¹®Á¦¸¸Å­Àº ÀÌ ¸»¾¸¿¡¼­ ¿¹¿Ü¶ó´Â »ý°¢À» ³»·Á³õ±â ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù.)

(p.174) Then the love of couples has a community-oriented attribute in itself, and at the same time is directly connected with the community in which the two live. Why? Because, due to the nature of love, the love between the two cannot remain in them. (±×·¸´Ù¸é ¿¬ÀεéÀÇ »ç¶ûÀº ±× ÀÚü·Î °øµ¿Ã¼ÀûÀÎ ¼Ó¼ºÀ̸鼭 µ¿½Ã¿¡ µÑÀÌ ¸ö´ã°í ÀÖ´Â ±× °øµ¿Ã¼¿Í Á÷°áµÇ¾î ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. ¿Ö³ÄÇÏ¸é »ç¶ûÀÇ Æ¯¼º»ó ±× µÑÀÇ »ç¶ûÀÌ °è¼Ó ±× ¾È¿¡ ¸Ó¹«¸¦ ¼ö ¾ø±â ¶§¹®ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.)

(p.189) Even the love I enjoyed with her before marriage is not a covenant love. This is because such love begins from the moment when we get married, whom God has joined together as ¡°one flesh.¡± In this context, Christians are not marrying because they love, but they are marrying in order to love. (°áÈ¥ Àü¿¡ ¾Æ³»¿Í ´©·È´ø ±×°Íµµ ¾ð¾àÀû »ç¶ûÀÌ ¾Æ´Õ´Ï´Ù. ¿Ö³ÄÇϸé Çϳª´Ô²²¼­ ¡°ÇÑ À°Ã¼¡±·Î ¦Áö¾î ÁֽŠ°áÈ¥ÇÏ´Â ±× ¼ø°£ºÎÅÍ ±× »ç¶ûÀÌ ½ÃÀ۵DZ⠶§¹®ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ÀÌ·± ¸Æ¶ô¿¡¼­ ¿ì¸®´Â »ç¶ûÇϱ⠶§¹®¿¡ °áÈ¥ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÌ ¾Æ´Ï¶ó »ç¶ûÇϱâ À§Çؼ­ °áÈ¥ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù.)
Foreword _005

Prologue _012


Chapter 1. The Basis For A Theology of Dating _017

A Peculiar Love Letter
A View of Dating Impracticable?
No Difference in Dating Standards
Two Perspectives on Dating and Marriage
A Theology of Dating and A Theology of Marriage
Dating for God¡¯s Glory
The Couple in the Same Direction!
Everyday Life¡¯s Direction
Marriage Is a Great Mystery
Dating Is a Little Mystery
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 2. Existential Love and Conceptual Love _049

How Can We Define Love? (1)
How Can We Define Love? (2)
Is Love an Emotion?
Is Love a Will?
Love, the Will Accompanied by Emotion
Dating Like Artificial Flowers
This Is What Sustains Love!
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 3. Biblical Principles for Dating _075

The Reality of the ¡°Same Direction¡±
How Do I Build My Will? (1)
How Do I Build My Will? (2)
A Dating Story Related to Mission
Is It Appointed? Is It My Choice? (1)
Is It Appointed? Is It My Choice? (2)
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 4. Loving God & Loving Mate _103

Convergence of Love
The Convergence of Sin and The Triangle of Love
It¡¯s Not a Division-Allotment Concept!
Do Love God Much More!
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 5. Physical Contact and Symptoms of Love _121

Keep the Purity Before Marriage!
Appropriate Level of Physical Contact (1)
Appropriate Level of Physical Contact (2)
¡°You Trust Me, Right?¡±
True Symptoms of Love
Sexual Desire and Spiritual Desire
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 6. Church Reality and Actual Dating _153

Difficult Reality to Find a Mate
Dating Issue with Non-Christians
Let¡¯s Lower Our Standards a Bit!
The Roles of Men and Women in Dating
Community-Oriented Dating
Don¡¯t Be Afraid to Break Up!
Summary and Advice on Dating
Questions for Sharing and Application


Chapter 7. Marriage and Married Life _185

Correcting the Concept of First Love
Three Principles of Covenant Marriage
Marriage Is Based on God!
Covenant, the Power That Causes the Duty of Love
Childbirth and Nurture
Questions for Sharing and Application


Epilogue _208

Appendix: A Wedding Ceremony Sermon _211

Bibliography _217



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A Theological Framework on Dating and Marriage!
While reading this work, I seemed to seek a farm lot where I could start planting exotic flowers and therewith cultured the best flowery garden people would be amazingly asking how I did it. Likewise, another impression I have on it is that I traveled with an interesting guy who is certain that we will have a journey safe and sound due to the roadmap he is holding ¡ª elaborated with details about each landmark en route to our destiny. (Antonio C. San Jose, President of Immanuel Theological Seminary)

¿¬¾Ö¿Í °áÈ¥¿¡ °üÇÑ ½ÅÇÐÀû Åä´ë!
Àú´Â ÀÌ ÀÛÇ°À» ÀÐÀ¸¸é¼­ ¸¶Ä¡ À̱¹ÀûÀÎ ²ÉÀ» ½É°í ÃÖ°íÀÇ ²Éµ¿»êÀ» ÀÌÁ¦ °¡²Ü ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ³óÀåÀ» ãÀº µíÇß½À´Ï´Ù. ¾î¶»°Ô ±×·¸°Ô Çß´ÂÁö »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ³î¶ó¼­ ¹°¾îº¼ °Í¸¸ °°½À´Ï´Ù. °Ô´Ù°¡ Àú´Â Èï¹Ì·Î¿î »ç¶÷°ú ÇÔ²² ¿©ÇàÇÑ °Í °°Àº °¨¸íÀ» ¹Þ¾Ò½À´Ï´Ù. ±×´Â ÀÚ½ÅÀÌ °¡Áö°í ÀÖ´Â Áöµµ¸¦ ÅëÇØ ¿ì¸®°¡ ¾ÈÀüÇÏ°í °ÇÀüÇÑ ¿©ÇàÀ» ÇÏ°Ô µÉ °ÍÀ̶ó°í È®½ÅÇß½À´Ï´Ù. ±× Áöµµ¿¡´Â ¿ì¸®ÀÇ ¸ñÀûÁö·Î ÇâÇÏ´Â °¢ Ç¥Áö¹°¿¡ ´ëÇÏ¿© ¾ÆÁÖ ÀÚ¼¼ÇÏ°Ô ¼³¸íµÇ¾î ÀÖ¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. (¾ÈÅä´Ï¿À C. »÷ È£Á¦ÀÌ, ÀÓ¸¶´©¿¤ ½ÅÇб³ ÇÐÀå)
Ryul Jonathan Kwon (±ÇÀ²)
(Pastor, wounded healer, lecturer)

The author has completed the Department of English Language and Literature (B.A.) at Kyungpook National University and the Master of Divinity (M.Div.) at Korea Theological Seminary. He has experience working on campus as a staff of SFC (Student for Christ), and he frequently serves young adult union retreats, dating courses, and pre-marriage courses.
He is an author devoted to preaching and writing about life¡¯s hardships and pains. He was born into a non-Christian family but experienced his life ¡°reformed¡± with the gospel in difficult circumstances such as domestic violence and parental divorce.
From an early age, he was interested in the Bible and doctrine, even during dating. His belief that the best textbook for dating is the Bible led to the publication of A Theology of Dating: The Partial Shadow of Marriage.
Currently serving as a cooperative pastor of Purunsup Church in Gimhae and Saegyaero Hospital in Busan, the whole family lives a missionary life. He has also been working as a lecturer at seminaries in the mission fields (Mongolia, Philippines) for six years. He constantly communicates with readers through his blog and Facebook. He has even real meetings with those who have broken hearts and pains.
He is also engaged in writing, presently having five books and four translations.


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µµ¼­¸íA Theology of Dating : The Partial Shadow of Marriage (¿¬¾Ö½ÅÇÐ - Çϳª´Ô ³ª¶ó¸¦ ²Þ²Ù´Â ¿¬ÀεéÀ» À§ÇÑ Áöħ ¿µ¹®ÆÇ)
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